Let the child choose the piece: ask before promising music to guests
By Erik Nilsen · Kroni3 min read
Grandad is coming to visit. The adult says: “You can play your new piano piece for him, can’t you?” Your child has practised the first section but does not yet want to play the whole piece for anyone. Perhaps they would enjoy playing another tune. Perhaps they would prefer to leave the piano alone. Clarify that before telling the guest a performance is planned.
Practice material is not automatically the programme
A tune can be suitable for trying during practice without your child wanting to perform it. Ask specifically: “Would you like to play something when Grandad comes? If so, what would you choose?” Do not start with the hardest piece as though the choice has already been made.
Let your child define the scope:
| Child’s choice | Message the adult can support |
|---|---|
| A familiar, short tune | “You have chosen to play this tune.” |
| Just the opening of a new piece | “This is the section you want to share now.” |
| No performance today | “We have not arranged music during the visit.” |
Your child does not need to justify why a particular tune is not ready. Questions about practice can belong in another conversation, without visitors as an audience.
Agree what happens around the music
If your child says yes, ask whether the guest should sit beside them or listen from the sofa. Check whether they want an introduction and whether anyone may film. Agreeing to play one tune is not also agreeing to a recording or several encores.
Before the visit, the adult could tell Grandad: “Our child would like to play one short tune if they still feel like it when you arrive. The new piece is still being practised.” The child then need not correct an expectation the adult created.
Let the ending be the ending
After the tune, the guest might ask for another. Your child can say: “That was what I wanted to play today.” The adult can help by thanking them and moving on with the visit. Avoid using applause as an argument that they now have to continue.
If your child changes their mind just beforehand, calmly ask whether they still wish to play. An earlier yes need not become a duty to entertain a visitor. If the adult promised too much, the adult can explain that the plan has changed.
Next time, ask before the invitation is sent rather than at the piano with everyone present. The family can remain curious about the music, while the child has a real choice about what to share that day.
