When five minutes keeps taking much longer: update your child’s waiting time
By Erik Nilsen · Kroni2 min read
Your child asks you to look at a hobby project together. You say “in five minutes” while writing a message. Another message arrives, and you begin something else. Your child waits by the door and asks again. Eventually both of you are annoyed, although the original agreement was simply about when to meet.
Once five minutes is no longer accurate, update the promise. That is more useful than repeating the same short period while you still do not know when you will finish.
Identify what remains to be done
You could say: “I said five minutes, but this task took longer. I need another ten minutes.” If you cannot estimate the duration, choose a specific check-in: “At half past four I will stop and give you a new answer.”
A check-in is different from a promised project session. Explain that difference if you still need to establish whether you will be available. Your child should not have to interpret a new time as another agreement that disappears.
Release your child from the waiting position
Ask what they would like to do meanwhile. Perhaps the project can stay out while they continue drawing, or they can take a break. Explain how you will tell them when you are ready, so they need not watch you constantly.
If your child will not have time later, take that answer seriously. Their requested period may lose its value if it moves immediately before another commitment. Find a new opportunity together rather than requiring them to be available whenever you finally finish.
Keep the next communication promise
Set an ordinary reminder if it helps you remember the check-in. When the time arrives, answer even if the task remains unfinished. After several postponements, arranging another day may be better than keeping your child in a long, uncertain queue.
When you meet, briefly acknowledge the delay and turn to the project. You need not spend the whole session discussing the wait. Next time, an honest “after this task; I will check at half past four” may work better than a quick five-minute promise.
