Can the friend stay a little longer? Confirm the new finish between adults
By Erik Nilsen · Kroni3 min read
The visit was due to end at five. At quarter to five, the children ask whether the friend can stay until six because the game has just become exciting. The adult at home is happy with that. It does not mean the visit has already been extended. The friend’s adult might be on the way, have another commitment or have planned a meal.
The children’s wish begins the question
You can say: “I can host until six, but we need to ask the person collecting before changing the arrangement.” The children hear that their wish has been considered, while the original finish still applies.
Avoid saying “just send your parent a message” and treating silence as a yes. The child can certainly express their wish, but an adult needs to ensure the practical change is confirmed with the other responsible adult.
Ask with the complete new arrangement
A brief message from the hosting adult might read: “The children would like to continue the visit until six. That works here. Would collection at six work for you? If I have no reply before five, we will keep five as agreed.”
Check these points before confirming:
| Point | What you need to know |
|---|---|
| New finish | Six, rather than simply ‘a bit later’ |
| Collection or accompaniment | Who will do it, and have they agreed? |
| Practical changes | Will the child eat here or leave before your family meal? |
Do not promise a meal nobody at home has agreed to arrange. Ordinary care continues while the child is visiting, of course; the question is whether to agree the extension itself.
A no need not become a negotiation
If the other adult must collect at five, tell the children simply: “The visit ends at five as planned.” Do not ask the friend to persuade their adult or compare the families’ rules. You can save the game’s progress or note where you stopped if that is possible.
If the collecting adult arrives before you have settled the question, the adults discuss it directly. Avoid having the child greet them at the door with an already decided “I am staying another hour”.
If the extension is confirmed, repeat the new time to both children and the person collecting. A new agreement for six still has an ending. Next time, ask earlier if you know the activity needs more time. An enjoyable visit does not have to be extended every time; it can be enjoyable and still finish as planned.
